I figure I'm sick cause of all the stress I'm under. Failing class, huge lack of support from my family when it comes to my depression, saying my goodbyes and kind of stressing out about my summer program.
On the 6th I was hoping to see a friend that would be leaving on the weekend but things didn't work out so I never got to say goodbye. And then on the same night John told me that he'd be going to Australia next month. For a year. The tears came by the bucket loads. I have to say goodbye to him this week cause I head out to Gwangju on Friday. Sorry John, but the tears haven't dried up yet. Prepare yourself. haha
I also have to sort of say goodbye to my classmates. Only one of them is actually going back home, but I won't have class with any of the rest next semester so I won't get to see them as often. Daphne's going home too. The worst part? I have no time to rest. I have closing ceremony on Friday, then sign out of dorm, hop on a train (still haven't bought my ticket), get settled into new dorm, and then wake up on Saturday ready to do temple stay and something else I can't remember. Sunday will be full out stuff to do as well and then I start classes on Monday. ಠ_ಠ Dying.
I've also been thinking a lot about the future too. Trying to figure out a way to get back to Korea. Also want to be out of Canada as much as possible, cause I truly believe there is nothing for me to do there. I have no motivation. There's plenty for people to do I'm sure, but I'm over it. I have lived in four different provinces to date. I fell in love with two of them, but I can't see myself spending the rest of my life in either of those places. I don't want a comfortable life. I want adventure. Maybe I'd give one more province a try down the road. Please remember that as much as I bad mouth Canada, I'm pretty damn lucky to have been born there. This much I know. That being said, I won't settle. There's more to this world and I want to see it all.
The last time I talked to some people in my family, I realised that maybe it's best I stay out of the country. I feel like I don't have much over there. So why stress myself out by living somewhere I hate, don't feel safe, can't afford and where the people who should be supporting you aren't?
This last one shouldn't surprise me anymore. I also only have about three good friends back in Canada. I love them dearly, I just can't be by their sides for the rest of our lives. We all have our own things to do and unless I'm seeing them everyday, I might as well go and see what the world has to offer.
So that's the plan. Go back and finish school and as soon as I'm done, get my ass on a plane out of Canada. I've got a list of places I'd like to go, I just need to figure where I want to go first. Of course I want to come back to Korea, but my window for coming back here is a lot bigger than some other countries on my list. Like Ireland. Serious question: How's Ireland for black people? I'm 100% cool with being a super visible minority Korea. The only time I'm not a minority is at family dinners. But what's it like in Ireland? haha Please please please let me know. Leave a comment or send me an email, firstname.lastname@example.org
Be super honest.
Be super honest.
So now I'll lay here for a bit. Gather some strength though listening to some soundtrack scores and taking the occasional sip of ginseng tea. I have no desire to eat anything which is killing me. I am so hungry, my head is throbbing and it still hurts to swallow even water.
I'll leave you with this....
I didn't like it at first but over the pas few days it's been on repeat.
Don't forget it's Bra Free Month.