You Can Keep Your Rock

Over a month ago I was saying goodbye to my friends, professors, and everyone else who has helped me over the years at my uni. "When are you coming back?" "Are you coming back?" I think so. I want to finish school, so I have to right? I want to be back by winter semester, but I make no promises. 

So much can happen in such a short amount of time. Most people I've talked to agrees that I shouldn't waste my time at MUN. I need to do what I want to do. I need to do what I enjoy. I need to stop fighting with a conservative and disorganised institution that clearly has no intentions of moving into the future. It's just not a good fit. We don't get along.

I haven't considered it myself. Not since first year. I was given a choice to stick it out on the rock or return to Toronto. I don't regret the decision I made back then. I thought I could make it work, and by staying there I have had the opportunity to meet some amazing people, on the rock and abroad. 

Aside from the stubborn system I've had to deal with out there, there is a huge problem with support systems. What little is available is inconsistent and mostly for emergencies only. What about the people who aren't really in an emergency but are suffering all the time? And what about the people who are in crisis? (I feel like a crisis is bigger than an emergency. Is it?) For a school who is so determined to increase their student population, and they have been, they are making little to no effort to increase and improve services available to students. This is not ok and it is extremely dangerous. Thankfully I had a mind to get out and breathe.

And so here I am. Earlier this week I went to an information session at York University. I might be a lion again. wtf The recruitment officer who gave the presentation was really cool and stressed that this whole university thing is MY thing. I need to study what I love and I need to do it in my own time. My dad should have been there for that. York has awesome programs, and the only university in Canada that comes close is UBC. I'd love to go there but I need to be realistic about life. So that's the plan. For now. My plans are always changing. I'm pretty sure I was on the road to China only two months ago. -_-

I came back to Toronto to get healthy. To get away from the constant fear that followed me everywhere. To try to put together some kind of support system that is stable. That's really difficult when you don't have everyone around you holding you up and cheering you on. Sometimes I think I just need to have a sit down with the fam and tell them exactly what's been going on this past year. But then I'm like, "Shouldn't you all be supporting me with or without the details of my shitty life?" Isn't that what family is for? Whatever. It's Christmas time, and that seems to mean something to these people, so I'll hold off a little while longer. I'll just sit here and eat my doughnuts. 

*picks up another doughnut* 

2014. The year of the Horse. This was supposed to be my year. Life was supposed to be grand. What happened? How did I end up here? How do I get out?

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